Just because it’s now April doesn’t mean Easter is over. In reality, Easter is every day – we are celebrating, on Easter, the Risen Lord, the King of Majesty – the One who died for our sins and rose again on the third day. With that in mind, I wanted to share with you the lyrics of the worship song that is really touching at my heart right now. (The video for this song is at the bottom of the post).
Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave
Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me “son
Stop fighting a fight it’s already been won”I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I’m not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I’m redeemedAll my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, “Child lift up your head”
I remember, oh God, You’re not done with me yetI am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I’m not who I used to beBecause I don’t have to be the old man inside of me
‘Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I’ve got a new name, a new life, I’m not the same
And a hope that will carry me homeI am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, ’cause I’m not who I used to beI am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I’m not who I used to be
Oh, God, I’m not who I used to be
Jesus, I’m not who I used to be
‘Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed
I’ve started and stopped this post several times in the past few days. It is hard to discuss the reasons why this song so touches my hear that it brings me to tears every time I hear it – I am so thankful, so overwhelmed, so encouraged by the words of this song. In the years before I knew Christ, I made choices that still cause me great pain to this day. At 15, I had an abortion. I make no excuses for this choice – it was wrong, and it is a regret I have carried for years. I admit, I felt so relieved the day it happened; the day after, when I woke up feeling the physical pain in my womb and free from the haze-inducing drugs they fed me, my heart broke. I struggled for years carrying this burden on my back that I would let no one even help me carry – I felt so much shame that I wouldn’t tell anyone what I had done. In my freshman year of college, at a yearly exam, the doctor found precancerous cells in my reproductive system, and I lost it. I could not stop crying, so my doctor walked me to a psychologist in the same office, and in the private space of her office, I broke down and told her everything. What happened, when, who, where, the whole nine yards. And I felt no better – confessing my sin to a secular physician did nothing for me. I was told to continue counseling indefinitely, and let me tell you – that bill added up quickly. In my struggle to “feel better,” I went to that counselor every week for several months.
The next semester, I had another roommate who was (and still is) an amazingly strong Christian. She asked me to church with her one Sunday, so I went. I had grown up attending church, but attending for all the wrong reasons – to hang out with my friends, to get out of the house, because it will teach me to “be good.” This Sunday, however, it was different. I went willing to hear the lesson, wanting to receive comfort and peace in my heart. I fully realized what it was for Christ to be in my heart and not just in my head.
That was four years ago (yes, I’m a fifth-year “super-senior”) and it seems like so long ago. One of the amazing things attending church regularly and wanting to hear the service, not just attend, is that I learned how healing Christ is. I can’t explain to you how amazing it is that someone who was blameless chose to die for the things I had done. In trusting in Jesus, my sins were forgiven. Even as recently as a few months ago, however, I was still carrying the weight of the abortion on my back. I was stumped over, unable to carry the weight anymore. I was at the bottom, emotionally, and I cried out. Lord, I said, please heal me. My heart is broken, but I know my child is with you. Please, heal this wound in my heart. I can honestly say that even know as I think about that prayer, I am crying. These tears, though, instead of pain, are of thankfulness and peace.
I know that there is nothing I can do to “undo” this sin. It will never be something I am proud of, but it will be something Jesus will use. Just as He used the blind man (see John 9:1-12), He will use my sin. Jesus said, “this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (John 9:3). While Jesus was, in this story, referring to a man who was blind even though neither him nor his parents had sinned, I know that He could have stopped me from aborting my child, but He chose not to so that His mercy could be shown to me and so that I could share the Love of Christ with other unbelievers and help them find the One who can heal all wounds.
This worship song says it all, so simply and beautifully. I am redeemed – I am unworthy, but I am made perfect in His blood. You set me free – I was a slave to my own shame, my own sin, but Jesus took that shame away from me and allowed me to stand tall again. Stop fighting a fight, it’s already been won – we cannot heal our own wounds. The only person who can is God, and why should we fight against that? Why fight against sin when that fight has already been won?
Thank God, redeemed.
It is my hope that someone, somewhere may find peace through my experience. I can only hope to touch someone, who may be struggling with some pain from their past or present, and they see what the Lord has done in my heart and they allow Him in theirs to heal their heart. I am so thankful I found Christ, who was able to heal that heart and give me a purpose even with my sinful past. I would love to pray for you if you are in need of it at all, or to walk you through accepting Christ as your Redeemer. Please feel free to leave a comment or email me!
Heavenly Father,
I am so thankful You are the Ultimate Healer. Nothing could touch my heart and those wounds were so great that I could not even stand straight. You, however, gave that to me. Your mercy, Your truth, Your love showed me that in Your eyes, I am worthy. I am made perfect in Your blood, and it is only because I am bathed in it that I have found forgiveness. I thank You for allowing me to share this story, and I pray that it may bring someone to You. Please use this to bless others as it has already blessed me.
In Your holy name I pray, amen.
Loving Like Him 